Welcome to the MaDnEsS!

Many people do not understand me and normally I would say, “That’s okay, we are all different.” However, after a four long conversation with a close friend and thinking upon the idea, I have decided to come to the Internet and seek a therapeutic release. However, my “Madness” is not just random thoughts that I have but hopefully will have a point about my day, week, or month-just depending on how the words flow from my brain to my fingertips to this blog. It is my hope that you, the reader, will understand some of my thoughts on everyday routines, business, and just thoughts will actually help you in some way and somehow. 

So if I was to begin the actual the blog, I would have to start it with how my summer vacation began-a night of uneasiness.

I left Berea College on Friday, May 4 2012. Upon entering Russell County, I was surprised at how shocked I was at being home. However, when I got home and somewhat unpacked, an uncle’s decision would bring new thoughts into me coming home for this summer. As mentioned, an uncle of mine-I have three uncles and two aunts-but an uncle of mine decided to go out and enjoy himself through the use of drugs. Sadly, that would cause many hardships for several other people in my family-including me. My uncle contacted another uncle for a drive to pick up drugs. Long story short-those uncles caused distress for other family members including one of their daughters. My cousin is attached to her father, my uncle. This got me to thinking about many things. 

1. I am not that way toward my father.
2. Where is that love in this world for all the little children of this world?
3. Why must drugs exist to cause so much pain in this world?

I will try to discuss them in the writings of this blog.

I realize that I am not close to my worldly father here on Earth. If you do not know my story let me explain a couple of things:

• My mother passed away in 1999, when I was just six years old.

• My father left me when she died and so my grandmother on my mom’s side took custody of me and I have lived with her for 13 years of my life.
• As of May 2010, my father had a second stroke and is now in the nursing home-a cousin of mine, his niece, is his power of attorney.

However, I know where he is; I am not close to my father even after him being in two strokes. I do feel guilty for not having that intimacy with my father; however, I do know that he is proud of me for graduating from high school and going to college. He has hold me many times that he wants me to do something with my life unlike him-I do have plans of getting my Ph.D. in Psychology. Anyway, I want to come closer to my father and talk to him just besides once or twice a week; I want him to be a part of my life and I want him to know that I do love him dearly and I want him in my life. 

In my opinion, this world has gone to hell as we have family turning on family, war breaking out all over the world, churches kicking people out because of beliefs or lack of beliefs, economy messed up-pardon my rant. Anyway, we have so many things that are wrong with this world and as a country, we have lost our love. However, I do believe that as a country, we can get this love back. We can show the love that many of our grandparents received from our great grandparents. As a country, we can share this love that is pushed off of many people because many people do not love each other or trust one another. But now, back to my point of my uncle and cousin’s love. My cousin loves her father dearly and even after he misses up and goes out “on the town” with drugs, she still loves him. Even if he disappoints her, she still loves and cares for him-that is the type of love that I want to show many people in my life. I have a lot of love to give toward many people in my life-friends, family, and loved ones. However due to the ways of this world, I have to be careful in how I give it or I will be hurt in the process; sadly, I have been hurt so many times. But that last time is for another time. 

Finally, the topic drugs.

Drugs were created as a way to help people in pain-not to get rid of the pain so much that you do not enter into reality. Drugs were created to help people not to be taken advantage of nor be used as a means of money. Drugs are sadly used for both means-an escape of reality and money. As a country, the pharmaceutical companies make more than any other company here. Does that surprise you? It doesn’t me as we have so many drugs for so many acute things. Don’t get me wrong, some drugs do need to be taken by some people, however, the DSM was created in 1959 with only 82 pages; today is has more than grown 10 times the size. The DSM-IV has over 900 pages with classifications for more than 300 mental health diseases. Drugs intended purpose was not to make people escape the world indefinitely, but to simply assist them in the pain or other issues one may have. Drugs can be good; our country has simply made them a “way of life.” So my generation and below needs to stand up and make this change!

I do believe that this topic of intimate relationships did turn into a war on drugs and love-but like I said in the introduction, that is okay. This blog is meant to help so many people and to get everyone who reads this blog to think about their actions as well as think about the actions that they do. This is my intended goal. A sub-goal is to simply get all my rants out in writing as I do not want them to continue in my mind-just too much. 

Anyway, hope this all made sense to you and I hope that you enjoyed my MaDnEsS!

Matthew